


To Love a Sinner

by didsomeonesayventus



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Fictional Religion & Theology, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, On Hiatus, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Religious Conflict, Religious Content, Tags May Change, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-05 22:58:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5393408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didsomeonesayventus/pseuds/didsomeonesayventus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say "Love the sinner hate the sin", but they never meant it this literally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_“Turn to my Light, children,_  
_And All shall be made clear._  
_Heed my direction,_  
_And you shall never be lost again.”_  
_-Midday, 3:10-13_

Sora hummed as he carefully dragged his quill across the parchment, spilling colorful ink in a careful, precise stream. His buzzing voice carried up to the stone buttresses full of carved eidolons, all looking upon his simple illumination desk with reverence. The very desk where he and several other member of the Church of Lux played the role of god and created pages upon pages of sacred text and illustration to be carefully bound in the finest leather glittering with gold leaf, then sent to a church in the city where it would be touched by the hands of the holy and then the hands of the new believers.

Perhaps it was this he enjoyed the most of his studies. Learning the parables of the Day through copying them down with calligraphy or illustrating them in poetic grace with ink that stained his hands into blessed rainbows-

“LIGHT BE WITH YOU!”

Sora dropped his quill and yelled, bending forward to cover his manuscript from harm. His wide eyes darted around before settling on the tanned, smiling cheeks of his fellow. His gray eyes twinkled with mirth as he started laughing, stray clump of black hair swaying with each paused of breath.

“Light, Eraqus...” Sora sighed as he sat up with a good natured laugh, “You terrified me.”

“I hope I didn’t terrify your latest masterpiece!” Eraqus patted Sora’s shoulder before firmly grabbing it as he bent over the page. “Thank the Light, nothing was smudged.”

“Thank the Light nothing’s smudged!” Sora echoed in a far different tone, “I’d make YOU do it all over again if it was!”

The two laughed together, Eraqus backing up to give Sora space to pick his quill back up. Sora twirled the feather a bit before running his hand along it, ruffling it as his chuckles died down. He sighed. He put the quill down.

The heavy wooden chair ground against the stone floor with a weary, grousing creak as Sora stood, “So, Era, what brings you here?”

“Father Yen Sid.”

Sora blinked. “F-father-?” 

His question was cut short by Eraqus ruffling his messy brown hair, “He said it was going to be a learning opportunity for us both, don’t worry!”

Eraqus turned on one heel and promptly began walking out of the illustration chamber. Sora stood by his desk, expression screwed up and tilted like a lost pup. He opened his mouth and raised his hand, then held it to his chin and shut his mouth. He did the gesture again, then cut it short the same way. He glanced up at the small rose window that illuminated his desk, pouring light onto it. And not just mere light, at that, the glass had been specially blessed to create whatever light it cast a holy space-

“Sora, are you going to come? Or will I have to tell Father Yen Sid that despite being one of the most promising members of the clergy you refuse to heed his words?”

Sora dashed to the door, “I’m coming, Era! I’m coming!” He slowed from a jog to a gangly, trot-like gait full of swinging arms and messy posture beside his senior of one year- and best friend -gliding across the halls straight and supple as a sapling. Sora folded his arms, “I’m just... concerned, is all.”

“Why?” Eraqus chuckled, “You know we shouldn’t be scared of him.”

“No! No we shouldn’t,” Sora agreed. “Just... he doesn’t call for us often.”

“And I told you,” Eraqus wrapped his arms around Sora, “he told me this is going to be a learning experience for us! We might go from deacon to priest! Imagine that! Being able to give sermons and lead ceremony-”

“Eraqus, you’re getting ahead of yourself!” Sora teased, “Service to the people above all else.”

“Of course,” Eraqus bent forward in a mock bow. When he straightened, he nodded, “Service to the people.”

The two paused in front of the doors to Yen Sid’s chambers. Eraqus coughed. Sora straightened his hair. Eraqus ran his hand along the engravings of Light (they daren’t THINK Their name) bringing Their teachings to the land and casting the shadows to the wretched corners they belonged to.

He glanced at Sora, “Well? Ready?”

Sora shrugged, “I guess.”

The doors creaked open, and Sora and Eraqus were met with the familiar sight of a long, grey beard and blasted with the scent of pine sap the old man preferred to keep in his room. “To make it smell nice” as he often explained. They bowed, and when they straightened, their eyes widened in perfect sync.

A young man was standing next to Father Yen Sid. Browned skin surrounding a sturdy frame, hair composed of cold winter light and snow, eyes that had avoided them for only a moment before they zeroed in with hawk-like accuracy and the glint of burnished gold. He was a picture of winter in a threadbare peasant's tunic.

“This young man has been spreading blasphemy in his hometown.” Yen Sid said, low, somber, steady as the hand upon his beard, “We managed to control the situation, ensured his lies never sat in anyone’s ears, and so now I turn to you two to nip the bud at its source.”

Eraqus nodded. Sora and this strange sinner kept staring at each other.

Sora shook his head and turned to Yen Sid, finally breaking the lock between them, “Father, um, what is this blasphemy, exactly?”

The man spoke for himself in a protesting mumble, “Why are you all so afraid of the shadows, truly? Dragging me so far away only because I’ve been trying to lessen the fear of others...”

Sora pursed his lips, “Never mind, Father.”

“Hold your tongue!” Eraqus snapped at the man.

Yen Sid cleared his throat. Sora and Eraqus stood straighter while the man rolled his eyes. “Now, I turn this man’s fate to your hands. You know our path to repentance?”

“A year and a day!” Eraqus instantly answered, “Eleven months of kindness, then judgement,” The man tilted his head and his golden eyes narrowed. “After judgement there is either another month of kindness or a month of punishment. And on that very day after the year is done, the soul is saved or cleansed from this world.”

Sora nodded, “What Eraqus said.”

“Very good.” Yen Sid nodded. He then pushed the man to them, “That year and a day begins now.”

Sora accepted the man’s hands instantly, noting they were bound in rope. He couldn’t’ve been much older than Eraqus, now that Sora was closer. He undid the rope, “What’s your name, then, lost soul?”

The man pulled his hands away from Sora the moment they were free, “It’s Xehanort.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops say hi to new trash AU


	2. Chapter 2

_“I cast out the Dark,_  
_Your sins,_  
_My flaws,_  
_And the world shall know Light.”_  
_-Dawn, 2:1-4_

Xehanort was going to be an interesting case. A young man who played far more than devil’s advocate for darkness, to be changed in eleven months, twelve if needed. Eraqus and Sora looked at each other as Xehanort listlessly followed behind them, glancing around and shrugging in a silent conversation of whether or not this could be handled.

‘Well I think so,’ Sora seemed to be saying.

‘He’ll be very hard,’ Eraqus had his doubts.

‘We have time,’ and with that Sora turned around, walking backwards as he addressed their new assignment, “Well, Xehanort, you’re going to be getting a choice of your own quarters, or bunking with me and my fellows. Either way it’s gonna be pretty much the same-”

“Sora it’s the choice between sleeping in the dormitory with us or a cell,” Eraqus interrupted.

Sora turned on Eraqus, “It’s a little better than a cell, Eraqus! We won’t tie him up, he’ll get a straw mattress and blanket like us, it’ll just be on his own with the door locked. Calling it a cell sounds like we’re gonna mistreat him.”

“Sleeping with lunatics or luxury, hmm?” Xehanort mumbled, “I’ll take luxury then.”

Sora stopped and turned to Xehanort. Despite being the shorter of the two he stormed right up to Xehanort and said, “They’re not lunatics. WE’RE not lunatics. We’re being gracious and giving you a second chance so appreciate it-”

“Do I really need one, though?” Xehanort asked. “All I believe is that Darkness should not be feared-”

“Blasphemy!” Eraqus cried.

“If Light called your mistakes sins and its own flaws, then what does that say about Them?”

“Light, I can’t hear this,” Sora covered his ears.

“Light preaches humility, and yet cannot accept the fact it was once as terrible as its own creation.”

Sora uncovered one ear to point triumphantly, “Ah, but what if They weren’t as flawed as we were? With flaw but not soaked in it!”

Xehanort’s eyebrows rose, his mouth went to one side and slightly up, “Ah, but what if WE weren’t that flawed? Is it ever mentioned in the Day in what ways we were both flawed? Why were we sinners, why was Light not perfect?”

Sora and Eraqus were speechless. 

Eraqus looked at his feet, “It just mentions that both Light and humanity held sins. It doesn’t quantify it.” He then looked at Xehanort, “Truthfully, neither argument can be broken or supported. In a sense we are both right.” He then turned around, and their walk resumed, “For someone who’s a heretic, you do know the holy text quite well...”

Xehanort shrugged, “It’s one thing to hear the words and another to read them.”

Sora gasped, “So you read?”

“My father taught me,” Xehanort replied, “he was a servant to a lord who taught him.”

Sora folded his arms, “But wait, Father Yen Sid said you were found in a village-”

“Father died and I decided servitude was not what my life would be. I found a new home, started giving my own sermons.”

“And now you’re here with us.” Eraqus shook his head, “A man who tried to interpret the Day with only basic knowledge, no wonder you’re so misguided.” Eraqus tossed out a quote, “Pride shines bright like the sun, But without control it withers.”

“Midday, 3:44-5.” Sora immediately cited. He’d gotten it lectured to him enough times to know it by heart.

“Not all is controlled,” Xehanort began quoting himself, “Light falls where it wishes, Only Shadow is constant.”

“Dusk, 1:1-3...” Eraqus mumbled, “A quaint response, but allow me to turn it to yourself and say that if Shadow and sin are constant, then do you have any hope?”

Xehanort shrugged, “There’s a passage where They say that their guidance means you shall never be lost again, but I’ve never given it much credit.”

“Midday, 3:10-13, yes,” Eraqus admitted, “but if you never credited it then you completely lost the meaning of it.”

“Because I have tried and failed to understand,” Xehanort said, “The logic fails to match up, and your words- and this time we’ll spend together -will not change that.”

‘This is going to be tough,’ Sora’s shoulders shrugged.

‘A clever trickster. A trial indeed,’ Eraqus nodded.

Still, the meandering walk through the gardens, past the dormitory, taking Xehanort to what would soon become his home for the coming year, wasn’t an unpleasant one. Full of debate, yes, and not pleasant debate at that, but it was something more engaging than what life had been. Praying day in and day out was fine, so was volunteering, aiding sermons once a week.

They all reluctantly admitted trying to tear down each other’s beliefs- even if no conclusion came to be -was amusing.

“Alright,” Sora grabbed the old, cold iron keys and unlocked a room, “Xehanort, this is gonna be your new home for awhile, so get cozy!”

Xehanort walked into the center of the small room. He looked at the bench nestled against the wall, then at the barred window. The stone seemed to be molding, or at least growing some sort of moss. He hoped it was moss. A chill lingered, which would probably turn deathly cold in winter, but for now it was spring so it was tolerable and likely welcome when summer came.

“Okay so!” Eraqus walked in, mattress under one arm and a fresh set of robes in another. He handed the robes to Xehanort and placed the simple straw mattress on the bench, “The months of kindness are where we’re gonna show you how we live, make you one of us, et cetera.”

Xehanort was wrinkling his nose at his new garb, and the prospect of joining Sora, Eraqus, and their fellows.

Eraqus slapped his shoulder, “Hey now, at least we’re giving you a chance!”

“Yeah!” Sora nodded, “I’ve heard of some places who aren’t anywhere near as nice!” He sat back and began rattling the list, “They make the time of kindness shorter, or they start with a month of punishment, or-”

“I’m aware, children.” Xehanort scoffed as the white, rough cloth slipped over his form. He fluffed it out a bit, “I’m aware.”

Eraqus handed him a rope belt, “If you’re so aware, then come, it’s time we start teaching you from the beginning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this AU will go somewhere I swear.
> 
> A trashbin of tears, maybe, but somewhere.


	3. Chapter 3

_“My children, teach them,_  
_Guide them, save them._  
_Shine Your light_  
_Where mine cannot go.”_  
_-Dawn, 1:17-20_

The first week passed in a quick blur. A blur where Sora and Eraqus rose a bit earlier than they should have to complete their morning duties, then to walk across the courtyard of the monastery to make sure Xehanort did the same at the proper time. Light the candles, say the prayers, make the gestures. After that it was menial work- weed the gardens, care for the bees, clean the stalls and rooms. Nothing important yet.

While the weekly sermon was being given, Xehanort lingered in the back under Sora and Eraqus’s watchful vigil. Normally they were helping the front, but honestly their energy was spent rubbing their rosaries, mumbling along in agreement, and lightly smacking Xehanort’s shoulders when they caught him making discouraging faces, noises, or likely preparing to say something. Service was not the place to spark religious debate.

As people filed out, Sora and Eraqus nodded with friendly smiles and blessings, but occasionally it was punctuated with scowls and scolding.

“You need to learn more respect, Xehanort!” Sora said. Right after he smiled and shook a young woman’s hand, “Light be with you, child.”

Eraqus took up Sora’s slack, “What if that were you?”

Xehanort folded his arms, tone not even grumbling just indifferent (and far more insufferable because of such), “Well first off I wouldn’t be saying anything like that-”

“I wasn’t asking about that!” Eraqus hissed. He nodded to a young man, “Light be with you.”

Xehanort bent down to a child, “Light be with you, and a shad-” Sora smacked him. He kept squatting close to the ground, frozen as he glowered at Sora. His voice finally had some sort of infliction, “Sora, what was that for?”

“Not in front of the children!” Sora said, appalled, “Light, not in front of ANYONE, Xehanort! Why would you wish darkness upon them?!”

Xehanort stood and brushed off his robe. He glanced around, noticing the crowd had gone. He waved Sora and Eraqus after him, “Well, if you can let me explain- urk!” Eraqus had him by his robe’s hood with a patient, smug smile.

“Xehanort,” he said, “I do believe you’re forgetting we have to clean the chapel.”

And so the three zigzagged through the pews, picking up lost items and refuse alike. Then Eraqus and Sora- like clockwork -fetched polish, rags, soap and water. Xehanort merely sat back and watched the two get lost in their memory until Sora tossed a rag in his face.

“You too, Xeha,” he said before resuming cleaning the stonework. After a moment he asked, “I can call you that, right?”

“Always coming up with nicknames, aren’t you Sora?” Eraqus called from the the steps in front of the altar where he was polishing candlesticks.

“You know I am, Era!” Sora laughed.

Xehanort looked around for what to clean, unused to this chore. Everything else had been common sense he had picked up from others, but cleaning a building so grand, so full of immaculate detail... Eventually he shuffled around the place and looked for a ladder.

“In the back,” Eraqus said without looking up from his work.

Soon Xehanort set up his ladder next to Sora, and climbed it with a wet rag which he applied to the stained glass before him. He wiped it across the swaths of color, observing the image and wondering just what it was. A dragon with glittering scales of every color. A woman with long hair to cover her form and a harp in hand, her face obscured. A mighty creature of red skin, flaming eyes, and black as night horns. A man obviously a hundredfold taller than any normal man, bedecked in tattoos and tilling the land. Another woman, this time her hair short, expression neutral, ice playing off her hands and white dress. A aged man holding scales and a staff. A monster with only a gaping maw and single eye in sight. All sharing the same window, graceful and terrible.

“The Eidolons, are they not?” Xehanort asked.

Sora looked up, then nodded. “Yeah.”

Xehanort smiled, “I never exactly knew their forms...”

Eraqus chimed in, “No one knows their forms, only a handful of descriptions here and there.” He shrugged as he admired his reflection, in turn a reflection of his work, “Bahamut and Ifrit speak with flame from their mouths-”

“Siren the most beautiful woman to exist,” Sora added, “Titan mighty and tall, Shiva with ice and honeyed words.”

Xehanort finished cleaning the window, “Ramuh the judge and Leviathan the beast... Right.” Xehanort slid down the ladder and promptly began moving it elsewhere. “The first children of Light... Besides the Darkness.”

“Uh, no.” Eraqus put down his rag and polish, “Where did you get a vile thought like that?”

Sora leaned against the wall, “Ok I’m not shocked anymore but I am curious why you think so.”

“Well,” Eraqus hummed, “I’m not sure if I wanna know.”

“It’s quite simple, and you even already understand it.” Xehanort abandoned his ladder to grab a lit candle from the altar, then he took an unlit one. “What will happen when I light this candle?”

“You’ll see better?” Eraqus suggested dryly, “There’ll be more light in the world?”

Sora was looking at their feet, “You’ll create a shadow.”

Xehanort grinned as he lit the candle, and created more shadows between them because of it, “Exactly. And thus Light created Dark. If They exist together, completely intertwined, in this world, then how could They not be otherwise?”

Eraqus stared at Xehanort. After a moment he threw his candlestick to the ground and left. He pulled down his sleeve and began unwinding a length of cord and beads graced with the five pointed star of the Church of Lux, and when it was off his arm he angrily muttered into it.

Sora, meanwhile, clapped, “That’s a sound idea, but the text mentions the Eidolons were the first children of Light. Cool but wrong.”

Xehanort put the candles back where they were, “Well, I at least appreciate the fact you admire the thought I put into it.” He looked at the door, “Is Eraqus...?”

“He’s touchy about this stuff sometimes,” Sora said with a shrug, “He’s always been more devout than me and always takes it personally if someone comes in and tries to dismantle his faith.”

“Oh really?” Xehanort hummed. “Awfully patient with me the other day...”

“He’s got patience for it, just not a lot,” Sora chuckled. “And he was patient with you because he could think of a good response fast enough. I guess you’ve stumped him for now.”

“Not the type to just say he doesn’t believe the same?” Xehanort asked.

“Yeah.” Sora scratched the back of his head, “Well... kinda. He just wants to hold on instead of change.”

Xehanort scoffed and went to go put up his ladder, “Change is inevitable.”

“Mmmmm, well I don’t wanna blame him for not liking it,” Sora followed, “I mean, he did lose his parents.”

“Did he now? Light, bless his soul,” Xehanort murmured.

“Yeah. Died in a fire.” Sora reached over and helped Xehanort lean the ladder against the wall. He then chuckled a bit, “Mine... Light I can’t remember. Brother Terra says I was just left in the church.”

“As a babe?” Xehanort’s head swiveled to Sora.

“What? No, they weren’t that heartless... maybe.” Sora replied, hand running down the wall now. “I think I was... yeah I can’t remember I was really young.” He closed his eyes, “I can kinda hear a voice if I think about it. Telling me to stay here, and they’ll come back later...”

Xehanort watched Sora slightly pull his sleeve up, revealing a bracelet. He gently began rubbing the beads, mouth moving with no words. After a moment he smiled, “I mean, even if they haven’t come back, they might one day. And I have a home here with Eraqus.”

He looked back, and found Xehanort was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mosssssssstly fleshing out things rn nothin too exciting


End file.
